“Martha, a big rig has caught on fire and exploded on the highway, can you go up there and see if anyone is hurt?”

I am not kidding, this was the first sentence that greeted me upon the end of the lunch hour.

So off I go in a sexy Government minivan with a small fire extinguisher by my side. Hi-ho-Silver!

My life is just ridiculous.

Turns out that the initial report is not exactly true; a truck carrying a load of mulch spontaneously combusted when the mulch got too hot. The driver immediately disconnected the trailer from the rig and pulled the rig way ahead, away from the flames, and now the huge trailer with hundreds of bags of mulch on it was merrily burning away.

Also burning was about 500 feet of roadway that was covered with mulch that had spilled out of the bags that had erupted off the back of the truck when the mulch spontaneously combusted. So now the mulch was burning on the road and in the dry grass next to the road.

This is starting to sound like a patter song.

Everyone is fine, police are there, I certainly hope the fire department is there by now, and I hope there’s enough drops of water in the foliage off the road edging the mulch to keep Dennehotso from burning to the ground.

I tried to blast away some of the larger clumps of burning mulch from the ground cover on the side of the road in an effort to prevent a massive ground fire. This was almost entirely in vain as the small fire extinguisher didn’t have a helluva lot of juice and there was a lot of burning mulch.

So now I am now sweaty, hot, heat-burned from the fighting the ground fire, I stink like smoke, I am thirsty and I am REALLY TIRED of Tuesday.

I am DONE NOW. No more disasters today, ok? Great, thanks.