Dear friends and family —
Dad died peacefully yesterday, August 8th, 2024, at 1:30 in the afternoon. He was 71 years old. He said goodbye to Alice Ko and AJ; and then Ian, Graham, Ashley, and I stayed at his side, holding his hands, as he died.
Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer twelve years ago. He opted for aggressive treatment, undergoing surgery, then radiation, then long-term medications to eradicate as much of the cancer as possible, and keep any errant escaped cancer cells from proliferating again. This bought him over eleven years, during which he was able to meet his first and only grandchild, move to Bellingham to be more involved in AJ’s life, travel with Mom, watch their children continue to grow and thrive throughout their adult lives, and then be fully present to care for Mom as she succumbed to early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2022.
He retired from his life-long career as a software engineer at the beginning of the COVID lockdown, and immediately focused his time and energy on caring for Mom and writing his first historical fiction novel. “Elodia’s Knife” was published in 2023, and received numerous local awards and accolades. Not one to let time go to waste, he immediately started writing the sequels.
Dad never stopped missing Mom after her death, and spoke about her with love and reverence regularly. But he also continued to grow his own community here in Bellingham, working out at ProFitness Northwest under the expert care and compassion of our trainer Christy, connecting with writers in Whatcom County through the Village Books writers group, and volunteering his time and energy with the lively set-building crew at the Bellingham Theatre Guild. He travelled to visit friends and family in British Columbia, Alberta, Israel, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, Texas, New Mexico, and North Carolina.
In the fall of 2023, Dad’s PSA labs started suddenly rising, indicating that the prostate cancer was back and growing again. We all knew that the medications he used to suppress cell growth would eventually stop working, and that day had apparently arrived. Dad and I entered the excellent care of Dr. Drew Murray at PeaceHealth Oncology, and tried one final medication to see if we could buy Dad a few more years. The side effects were profoundly intolerable, and Dad decided to end all cancer treatment for good.
Dad and I talked in January of 2024. He was clear and definite in his intentions. He wanted to use whatever remaining time he had to finish the sequels to “Elodia’s Knife,” to spend time with friends and family, to live fully and pain-free for as long as possible, and then — when the pain from the metastases became too great — the use Washington’s Death with Dignity act to choose his time to die.
And thanks to the incomparable medical care of Dr. Greg Anderson at Family Care Network here in Bellingham, he was able to do just that.
Dad was able to finish the final drafts of “Matilde’s General” and “Matilde’s Empress” in the final weeks before his cancer symptoms became unbearable. My brothers sat with Dad during his final days and have made plans to complete and publish both books.
On Thursday, August 8th, Dad sat in bed, and grinned at all of us. “I fear I am becoming a god,” he said, tongue-in-cheek, paraphrasing the final words of the Roman emperor Vespasian. And then, as I brought him the medication cocktail, he said, “Is this my hemlock?”
For all of you who knew and loved Dad, I know you will share in our joy that we laughed together until the very last minute of his life.
Dad fell asleep within minutes, and died peacefully about an hour later.
We will have a celebration of life for Dad at some point, but those plans are still nebulous at best. We’ll keep you all informed.
If you are the type of person who wants to make a donation in Dad’s honor, we would ask that you choose either:
End of Life Washington, which is a powerful and critical advocacy group here in Washington, and was an incredible support to me as we prepared for his death: https://endoflifewa.org/
or
The Bellingham Theatre Guild, which creates incredible local theater with an all-volunteer crew: https://bellinghamtheatreguild.com/
Thank you all for being part of his life. We love you.
A Canticle for Lazarus 
Oh,Martha, I’m so sorry. He was so young. My parents are both gone now. Mom was 88 when she passed in 2021. I still feel a bit unmoored. I’ll be 70 next month and I still wish I could talk to my mom.
This is a beautiful tribute to a lovely man. We met at the Firehouse Cafe shortly after we moved here, and we had a lovely conversation hearing about his writing, and his family that he was so proud of. Our 3-year-old grandson was there, so naturally there was chatter about the “grands” and how much he enjoyed AJ. We are sorry for your loss, and are so appreciative that he had such a loving and supportive family to help him. Susan and Jon Pollard
I’m sorry for your loss Martha.
I’m sorry for your loss, Martha.
Martha, Ian, Graham, spouses, children – Christine and I were saddened beyond words to hear of Robert’s death. I first knew Robert as a colleague and later as a friend; he and Melissa often entertained us with dinner, conversation, and board games. We remember them fondly and miss them both. (dave p, christine q)
Robert was one of the sweetest, most compassionate and helpful colleague I have ever worked with. It is tremendous loss. I will remember him dearly. I’m very sorry for your loss.